Man… it feels like the world is being sucked into a black hole of sadness. I feel guilty at the moment because my footsteps are light. But through it all I realize moving forward is the only way to go, so my hope is that people will soon find a rhythm that brings a smile to their face and a grove to their step. We need some happiness.
My contribution…well I take absolutely no credit for it…not one single bit. And it will either make you laugh out loud or give you one more reason to feel humanity is at the end.
Either way it’s Monday and that means….
Well clearly it isn’t going to work out between you two. You should cut your losses and let me take you out to a little gem we like to call “Walts”. No, in reality it isn’t as big of an issue as you may think. As long as you can both respect each other’s difference of opinion you should be fine. If you love the other characteristics about him I’d say you are doing pretty well only having to listen to regurgitated fox news propaganda from time to time. And only Ninja Turtles say “radical” anymore.
So, what are the spiritual repercussions of pulling a no-flusher in the church bathroom?
It is highly unlikely that we will ever be on the same page as a whole until we decide to collectively celebrate our differences instead of using them as a way to tear each other apart. Individually we can do our part, raising our children to love one another regardless of our political, religious, economic and racial differences would be a great start. Too often the problems of a current generation can be traced back to the prejudices of the former generation. I guess we just need to try to teach our youth to do a better job than we did. Or just drink until you can’t feel feelings anymore, works for me.
Hey Mr. Wilson,
My brother is getting out of jail soon, and I am the reason he is in there… Anyway, what would you do if you had one more day on Earth to live? Asking for a friend.
Dear Treading Lightly,
Yikes. Well first, you should probably get your brother a gift when he gets out. How about a cake? People love cake. Bake a cake with a nail file in it and have it read something like “My Bad. Too Little, Too Late?” Publix can probably handle this. I’m sure he’ll see the humor in that. Now if I had only one day left on Earth? The father in me would want to spend it with my son Taj, doing as many fun things as we could fit into 24 hours. If I didn’t have that little turd burglar to hang with, things would go much differently. I’d probably wake up early and go surfing, even if the waves were crap. Then I would go get a gigantic breakfast feast and drink 10 or so mimosas. After that I would start day-drunk-dialing ex girlfriends and beg them to hang out with me for my last day on Earth. When that fails I’ll head to Walts, asses the crowd, and immediately walk out and go get some tall boys and sit on my porch with my dog and try to rope any passerby into a lengthy and uncomfortable conversation about the weather. I’ll tire of that eventually and come inside to make tacos. I’ll eat those bad boys up and then put something on Netflix, probably It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. The last words that my brain computes will be “Does your cat make TOO MUCH NOISE??” from the Kitten Mittens episode. I will leave this planet with a smile on my face and a belly full of tacos.
Thanks for the question, weirdo. You probably won’t be satisfied with an answer of “because titty twisters and purple nurples are funny” so I won’t go there. We basically need nipples because we would look super strange without them. Imagine if you can for a second, a man standing on the beach, the sun beating down against his chest, a chest that is nippleless, just well oiled nippleless skin as far as you can see. Haha, I just made you imagine a dude with his shirt off using my words…
So what is your question?
Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org with “Need Advice” in the subject line and K.C. will hook you up.
Answers to questions will be posted each Monday for your reading pleasure 🙂