Perhaps you were as “out of sorts” as we were with the kiddos going back to school last week. Having to adjust from a “sure you can stay up until 11 watching the Olympics because that is team spirit” Summer Schedule to “you have to go to bed now because tomorrow you have to wake up and actually do something” routine. It’s kind of like a culture shock…but you know it’s coming and still don’t prepare for it. So that is why last week there was no Q&A. But all the little good children are off to school which gives you a moment of freedom or maybe you don’t have that restriction and just have some time to kill, either way…
People ask me weird questions all the time. “K.C., What are some of the bigger drawbacks of surfing naked?” or “Have you ever pooped your pants as an adult, while driving?” or “Who are you and what are you doing in my kitchen at 3 a.m.?”, and so on and so forth, you get the idea. I figured as long as I’m fielding strange questions from my family and friends, I might as well let the general public get in on the mix.
Dear KC,
I need some fashion advice. I want to look polished and well put together, but at the same time not look like I tried too hard to do so.
Here are the troublesome caveats, I want to appear as if I have my shit together when I meet beautiful age appropriate women (34 – 44), yet I want to appeal to the hot young girls in their early 20’s with daddy issues, without dressing to look like their dad.
This is a serious issue that I’m sure you can help with, despite that you dress like a 15 year old summer camper.
Sincerely,
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I dress like a 15 year old summer camper? I hadn’t noticed. I’ve been too busy…..getting laid. There are two schools of thought on this. The first being the “bad boy” look: get a couple of deep v’s, some torn jeans, puka shell necklace, spray tan and do your hair up like the oxygen stealers from the Jersey Shore, this will ensure maximum club bro effectiveness. I’m going to level with you, you’re going to look like a rapist, but you aren’t. At worst you are a domestic abuser. For some reason women are into that though, especially the ones with daddy issues.
For reference:
If you aren’t into that look you can always go the “prep” look. You’ll need a pink Abercrombie polo shirt, do not forget to “pop” the collar. Oh right, you need Sperry Top-Siders, even though you don’t own a boat and are rarely on them. Don’t ask me why, I didn’t make the rules. Let’s go ahead and stick with the Abercrombie model and get some nice short shorts, Robin’s egg blue. Of course, you are going to need to tuck your polo into these unnecessarily tight shorts. If you are worried about how your package is going to fit in to this bunched up mess do not fret, for alas, you have no junk. If you dress like this you have, at best, a baby D. Also, don’t forget the roofies, it’s the only way you will be getting laid.
For reference:
I hope this helps. If you’ll excuse me they are about to serve lunch at my summer camp.
Ɔ˙ʞ ɹɐǝp
¿punoɹƃ ǝɥʇ uo ʞɔɐq ʇǝǝɟ ʎɯ ʇǝƃ I uɐɔ ʍoH ˙pɐǝɥ sʇᴉ uᴉ uɹnʇ slǝǝɟ ʇsnɾ ƃuᴉɥʇʎɹǝʌƎ ˙˙˙uᴉƃǝq oʇ ǝɹǝɥʍ ǝɹns ʇou ɯ,I ˙ʎlǝʇɐl ǝɯ ɹoɟ uʍop ǝpᴉsdn ʎllɐǝɹ uǝǝq ǝʌɐɥ sƃuᴉɥʇ
Dear K.C.
I drive a transportation bus and one of the ladies I pick up talks to herself NONSTOP. It probably wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t Filipino. Every once in awhile a sentence comes through in English. I totally become stressed out the whole trip because I feel I’m being rude not answering her. What would you do Mr Wilson?
Have you tried turning the radio up aggressively loud? I remember I had to give a stranger a ride home, for reasons I would rather not go into, and after about 5 minutes of idle chit chat we ran out of things to talk about. Then I slowly turned the radio up to a level in which they would have to ask me to turn it down to hear anything they said. Yeah, it was kind of a jerk move. I get it, but I’d much rather be thought of as an asshole than go through something so awkward that I contemplated bailing from a moving car in which I was driving. If you don’t want to look like the bad guy, may I suggest you have a conversation with yourself as well? Every time she starts talking, you can start talking to yourself too. It’ll be kinda like a rap battle. Between crazy people.
He truly becomes the characters he plays. Mr. Wilson, if you could be one of the many different people he has portrayed who would it be and why?
Do you have a question that needs a questionable answer?
Send it to [email protected] with “Need Advice” in the subject line and K.C. will hook you up.
Answers will be posted each Monday, at some point in time, for your ultimate reading pleasure ?
