Dear K.C. 8-22-16

Very sorry to make you wait… The K.C. show starts now….Clap.clap.clap


People ask me weird questions all the time. “K.C., What are some of the bigger drawbacks of surfing naked?” or “Have you ever pooped your pants as an adult, while driving?” or “Who are you and what are you doing in my kitchen at 3 a.m.?”, and so on and so forth, you get the idea. I figured as long as I’m fielding strange questions from my family and friends, I might as well let the general public get in on the mix. 

Ask me anything, no topics are off limits and your identity will be kept anonymous. 
What makes me qualified to answer general questions about life? Nothing at all! But watching a 34 year-old man-child try to give rational answers to complex questions sure will be entertaining, fire away!
I will personally guarantee you fantastic advice and answers in the form of hilarity. 
PS…no worries, you will remain anonymous. Maybe ?

Dear K.C.
I have been in the shadows about this for some time now but I was curious to see if I was the only one who had a phobia of sleeping. If not, then I know I’m officially a head case but if so how do you find that place of “peaceful sleeping” ? I’m sorry to make this a medical question but I was just curious and is it common for people in their 30’s?

Well hot damn, this is a question I would have asked. I routinely get 4 hours of sleep a night, and that’s usually only because my body refuses to function any longer. I either drink until I can’t feel feelings anymore or exhaust my body to the point that I have no say in the sleeping matter. I was always the last person up at a house party, always the last person up during a surf trip, always the last person up when I’m laying in bed with my partner (staring at them, in the creepiest way possible). I hate that I’m even having to reference The Wall Street Journal and that dipshit Jim Cramer from Mad Money but this is an enlightening article on the matter: We are the “sleepless elite”. Take pride in that fact. It’s not going to help us sleep any better, because we both know as soon as we fall asleep the rest of the world is having a puppy party in bed and we are totally missing it. 🙂
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Dear K.C. 
I started up a business with a best friend recently. We have been on Facebook spreading the word and while many of our friends have supported us I’ve noticed most of our fans have come from people we are meeting for the first time. Why do people choose to support big companies of which they know very little about instead of their so called friends? 
Butt hurting

Great question. I suppose people are predisposed to go with companies that they are already familiar with. People are not that complicated, they are routine orientated. Take me for example: I started a sex shop out of my garage. Yes, people can argue that my vibrators were nothing more than electric toothbrushes covered in silly puddy, but still, I thought the lonely ladies of Lambert would be knocking down my door. Garage door. No, they felt like going with a “reputable dealer” online was less invasive (oh the irony) than dealing with a shady dude in his boxers hawking paper mache sex dolls while smoking a ciggy. Go figure. Keep working hard, nobody starts a business as a millionaire. Unless your last name is Trump. 

Dear K.C.
What is up with this Pokemon nonsense? Do you get prizes, free food, or cash?  Can you get high off it like with bath salts?
I’m a 50 year old man that hasn’t a clue why people are so hyped about it.
Out of the loop,
Uncle Dude.

Hahaha, oh man. I’ve been waiting for this question. First off, let me preface by saying that a lot of my friends (soon to be former friends) use this app. I don’t get it. Never will. Whether it be my own stubbornness to move with the times or the clear fact that this is literally the best tracking system the Federal Government has in place. I’m happy it gets you nerds away from the computer screen, I really am. I want to make fun of it, and regularly do, but people are having fun. Who the hell am I to judge anyone for doing something they enjoy? Shit, I make my dog Maggie lick the food that falls on my tummy while eating in bed because it tickles. Although I will never partake in this particular game, I see no reason people shouldn’t have a fantastic time chasing mythical characters. For the rest of us, we still have shrooms.   
Dear K.C.
What happened to Eliza Dushku? She was hot.
Dang. She totally was. Still is. From what I can tell she is a full blown hippie now. Yoga, vegan, most likely vapes. And probably only dates vapers. 

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This is your in bro. Start vaping now.

Do you have a question that needs a questionable answer?

Send it to [email protected] with “Need Advice” in the subject line and K.C. will hook you up.
Answers will be posted each Monday, at some point in time,  for your ultimate reading pleasure ?